


bet you didn't see this coming

by kopycat_101



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, F/F, Fluff, Lesbian!Makoto, M/M, MCR is discussed, Male-Female Friendship, Morgana is also nb because I said so, Morgana will never stop being Very Strict on curfew, Multi, Mutual Pining, New Year's Kiss, New Years, Slow Burn, akira and goro essentially play gay chicken but with more gun emojis involved, all the characters are friends and happy and celebrating xmas together yall, ann and ryuji are ultimate bi solidarity, bi!ann, bi!ryuji, chat fic, dont worry this is all still really gay yall, futaba and akira are SIBLINGS and THATS JUST CANON, lesbian!Haru, nb!Morgana, ryuji/yusuke is canon now babyyyy, tbh not sure if akira is a bi icon or a gay icon but i adore him anyways, the wlw ships are official and the mlm ships are slow-burn/bg for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22126705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kopycat_101/pseuds/kopycat_101
Summary: Joker: Merry Crisis Eve, you meme-loving fucks.Oracle: lkajskldSkull: B R OOracle: accurate tho lmfaooooooA P5 chat fic, except the author barely knows jack about the characters, but was compelled to write it anyways.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Kitagawa Yusuke/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira & Sakura Futaba, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Niijima Makoto/Okumura Haru, Sakamoto Ryuji & Takamaki Ann, Sakura Futaba/The Drama TM, Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 52
Kudos: 159





	1. Merry Crisis Eve

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure where or why or how this happened, but it did. I was stranded at my parents' place with no internet and sick to hell and back. I had to find my own happiness somehow, I guess...?
> 
> So, yeah. Couldn't post any of this hot mess until right now. I started writing chapters on Xmas Eve, hence the very pointed festivities of it all. There's like, 4 chapters of X-Mas content. Hope you guys enjoy anyways?

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_December 24 th_

_12:01 am_

Joker: Merry Crisis Eve, you meme-loving fucks.

Oracle: lkajskld

Skull: B R O

Oracle: accurate tho lmfaoooooo

Panther: its midnight wtf

Panther: go tf 2 sleep???

Oracle: ROFLCOPTER

Oracle: we sleep when we dead ann wwwwww xD XD

Panther: Cursed TM

Mona: _**H E Y FUCKERS**_

Mona: O W O

Joker: Fuck

Oracle: morg hey <33333

Mona: Hey Fu-chan <3

Mona: [gun emoji] [eyes emoji]

Mona: **_G O T O S L E E P_**

Skull: aklsdjkla

Panther: alkdjfl

Joker: kljdfls

Joker: Plz spare me

Mona: _**P E R I S H**_

< Joker has logged off! >

< Mona has logged off! >

Skull: big yikes

Oracle: lmfaooooo

Skull: 1 fear

Panther: 1 fear

Oracle: 1 fear

Panther: press f to pay respects [pray emoji]

Skull: f

Oracle: f wwwww

Panther: F

Queen: F

Oracle: !

Skull: !!

Panther: hey maks

Queen: Now please, go to sleep…

Panther: will do

Oracle: awwwww

Skull: ye sure lol

< Panther has logged off! >

< Skull has logged off! >

Queen: Futaba, you need to rest.

Oracle:

Queen:

Oracle: ok :(

< Oracle has logged off! >

< Queen has logged off! >

Fox: …

Fox: Wait, what did I miss?

Fox: Hello?

Fox: Anyone…?

Fox:

< Fox has logged off! >

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_December 24 th_

_9:23 am_

Oracle: i hope all u cute couples have a nice xmas eve <3333

Noir: Thank you, Futaba-chan! <3

Queen: Thank you.

Panther: thanks! me and shiho will! <3

Mona: [meme voice] _They’re lesbians, nya’ll._

Skull: wow, we get it, yallre lesbians and happy 2gether

Panther: [gun emoji] jealous binch?

Skull: lmao duh??

Skull: jk tho ur all doin gr8

Skull: [thumbs up emoji]

Panther: thanks fucker

Panther: [thumbs up emoji] [heart emoji]

Skull: [Ok finger emoji] [heart emoji]

Oracle: wtf yall doin???

Skull: bi solidarity

Panther: bi solidarity

Joker: They’re bi, Futaba

Oracle: akldsfjlk

Oracle: I KNOW THAT

Joker: Anyways congrats to the girls for their relationships.

Joker: Hope you have a good time!

Noir: Thanks, leader! <3

Queen: Thank you, Akira.

Panther: thaaaaanx <333

Joker: Can’t relate.

Oracle: akldsjfkl

Panther: alksdfjkl

Noir: Haha!

Queen: Akira…

Joker: No, no, I’m happy for you all.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Mona: _He said, you know, like a liar_.

Joker: But also low-key high-key burning with jealousy.

Oracle: wwww

Skull: mood

Mona: Mood

Panther: akldfjkla

Panther: getcha self a man, Akira

Joker: sounds fake but ok

Panther: alskjdl

Oracle: lmaooo

Makoto: Oh hush, you.

Joker: Says the girl in a steady relationship?

Crow: God, I wish that were me.

Skull: Big Mood

Joker: Same.

Oracle: oh worm?

Mona: MOOD.

Fox: Same.

Skull: !!

Skull: eyo yusk!

Fox: Hello, Ryuji.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Panther: wow weve even got yusuke out of the woodworks

Fox: I was driven to seek out companionship due to my crippling loneliness.

Panther: HU OGH

Oracle: alkdfjkal

Skull: YU SUKE??

Joker: _Holy shit, dude_.

Queen: Yusuke…?

Mona: _**Y U S U K E?**_

Noir: Oh no! :(

Joker: But also, mood?

Crow: You, uh

Crow: You okay there, buddy?

Fox: I am now!

Fox: With all your presences, of course.

Fox: Remembering one has friends is…heartening.

Oracle: ,,,

Skull: D u de

Queen: Ah.

Panther: im sobbing??

Mona: ,,,, oW,,

Joker: Same, though.

Crow: Same.

Noir: It really is!

Queen: I believe we all think so, Yusuke.

Fox: That’s relieving to know!

Skull: aw buddy,,,,

Oracle: aAAAAAH

Mona: ,,,

Joker: Mood

Skull: i m gonna cr y

Fox: !!

Fox: Do not cry, Ryuji!

Fox: :(

Skull: alksdfjal

Skull: o k,,,

Panther: _in this house we all love our friends_

Noir: Yes!! <3

Oracle: MOOD

Mona: M O O D

Skull: yell heah!

Joker: Mood

Crow: Mood!

Queen: We do.

Fox:

Fox: Mood.

< Skull has started messaging Fox! >

_December 24 th_

_10:13 am_

Fox: …?

Skull: hey uhhhhh

Skull: u wanna come over 4 xmas?

Fox: !

Fox: Oh! I had thought you wanted to spend it with your mother…?

Skull: see my ma

Skull: yea but

Skull: i think ma feels lonely when its just us 2

Fox: That’s natural.

Skull: she said I could bring over some1!

Skull: but most every1 else is busy

Skull: and well

Fox: Ah, I see.

Fox: I suppose, if no one else is available…

Fox: I would do, yes?

Skull: alksdfjkla

Skull: f uk

Skull: nonono

Skull: i didnt mean it like that!!

Skull: damn it

Fox: …?

Fox: I do not understand?

Fox: It’s only logical, after all…

Skull: no its not!

Skull: listen i just

Skull: i don’t want u 2 be alone 4 xmas!!

Fox:

Skull: and I rlly do want u there

Skull: 2 meet my mom n stuff

Skull: i think she ll really like u!

Skull: ur smart and cool and nice

Skull: and itd make both of us feel better to have some1 else w/ us

Skull: makin new traditions n stuff??

Skull: so uh

Skull: ye

Skull: shit that was a mess huh?

Skull: haha…

Skull:

Skull: uhhhhh yusk?

Skull: u there?

Skull:

Skull: shit um

Skull: srry for sayin all that

Skull: did I freak u out?

Skull: I bet I freaked u out

Skull: forget it then, its cool if u dont wanna come with…

Fox: @!

Fox: No nono

Fox: it s fne

Fox: juts give me a mometn

Skull: uhhhh

Skull: u ok dude??

Fox: yes yes

Fox: youve simply caught me off guard

Fox: Sorry.

Skull: no, no thats cool

Skull: i did kinda spring that all on u

Fox: I was simply…

Fox: Overtaken by emotion.

Skull: wait dude

Skull: uh

Skull: did u cry??

Fox: …

Fox: Perhaps a bit…?

Skull: alksdjla

Skull: shit dude srry

Fox: Its quite alright

Skull: :(

Fox: That you would want me in your home

Fox: To meet your mother…

Fox: It made me feel

Fox: very happy

Fox: so I cried

Skull: srry,,,,

Fox: No, no!

Fox: They were happy tears.

Fox: I felt…wanted.

Fox: It was nice.

Skull: ok but

Skull: u sure me makin u cry

Skull: didnt change ur mind?

Fox: No!

Fox: Most definitely not!

Fox: I would be…honored.

Fox: To spend Christmas Eve with you.

Skull: o h

Skull: uhhhh

Skull: ok,,,,

Fox: And your mother, of course.

Fox: Who I’m sure is very lovely!

Skull: aldsfkjkal

Skull: y yea,,, uhhh hhh

Skull: shes p great

Skull: ull like her?

Fox: I’m sure I will.

Fox: :)

Skull: ok cool

Skull: cool col cool

Skull: lemme send u my deets rn

< Skull has attached an address! >

Skull: u can come over any time

Skull: lunch is at noon, dinners at 5ish

Fox: Are you sure…?

Skull: yeah ofc!

Skull: stay the whole day if u want

Skull: hell i ll ask mom if u can stay the nite

Fox: I don’t want to overstay…

Skull: no no, ur good!

Skull: hol up

Fox:

Skull: ok she said yes!

Skull: so were good to go!

Skull: [thumbs up emoji] :DDD

Fox: Ah.

Fox: I don’t want to be a burden…

Skull: ur not!

Skull: bring ur pjs and a change of clothes dude

Skull: itll be gr8 to have u over! :)

Fox:

Fox: Very well

Fox: If you insist?

Skull: yell heah I do, dude!

Fox: Ha

Fox: Alright.

Fox: Thank you.

Skull: np!!!

Fox: I will be over soon.

Fox: :)

Skull: nice!

Skull: well be waiting!

Skull: :D

Fox: <3

< Fox has logged off! >

Skull:

Skull: <3

< Skull has started messaging Panther! >

_December 24 th_

_10:53 am_

Skull: H LEP I INV TED YUSK OVER 4 XMAS

Panther: !!

Panther: congrats!

Skull: AND HES STAYING THE NIGHT???

Skull: N SENT A <3 B4 LOGGING OFF??

Panther: :0000000

Panther: hoo damnnnn boi

Skull: aklsdfjlak

Skull: WHAT DOS IT MEAN???

Panther: it means… u kno ;)

Skull: CURS ED

Panther: lmao

Panther: go get em tiger

Skull: LKFFAJKLSD

Skull: FGUC U???

Skull: WERE JUST FRIENDS

Skull: HE DOESTN LIKE ME BACK

Panther: keep telling urself that lol

Skull: s HUNT??

Panther: look, he sent u a heart

Skull: that could mean ANYTHIGN THO

Panther: after u invited him for xmas eve

Panther: which is a v romantic time

Skull: I DIDNT WANT HIM 2 B ALONE???

Panther: which was super nice of u!

Panther: but did u just invite him over

Panther: or did u invite him to meet ur mom

Panther: and spend the nite?

Panther: bc those are 2 completely different things ryuji

Skull:

Skull: stfu,,,,

Panther: lmaoooo

Skull: i hate this

Panther: gottem

Skull: I HATE THIS,

Panther: just do ur best

Panther: woo him

Skull: sounds fake

Panther: good luck~ ;)

Skull: G OD

Skull: IM,,,, GONNA NEED IT,,,

Panther: ull do fine fam

Panther: be the best bi u can b

Panther: u kno other than me

Skull: gee thnx :/

Skull: mayb i will

Panther: [thumbs up emoji] [heart emoji]

Skull:

Skull: [thumbs up emoji] [heart emoji]

Skull: thnx

Panther: just do it, ryu

Panther: don’t let ur greams be greams

Skull: greams?

Panther: gay dreams

Skull: aklsdjkal

Skull: aight

Skull: bye

Panther: bi bye!

Panther: <3

Skull: <3

< Skull has logged off! >

<Panther has logged off! >


	2. Merry Crisis Eve 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter, but it's still 10 pages long and I had to find a place to end it without things dragging on.
> 
> Thanks for the support on this fic so far, everyone! Glad ya'll are enjoying these dumbass gay teens doing Totally Canon Things like Celebrating Christmas and Being Happy.

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_December 24 th_

_1:02 pm_

Joker: @ _Everyone_ : Status update. How are things going?

Oracle: a-ok, bossman!

Joker: Futaba we’re literally sitting right next to each other…?

Oracle: lmao so??

Joker: You can just talk out loud??

Mona: Well I can’t :/

Joker: We know, Morgana.

Mona: I want to talk about my feelings!

Joker: aklsjd

Oracle: alksdja

Joker: We know, Morgana.

Panther: things r good here!

Panther: shiho says hi btw!

Joker: Nice.

Oracle: awww shiho!!!!

Skull: everythings good here [thumbs up emoji]

Fox: Yes! Ryuji’s mother made a delicious lunch. :)

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Joker: Cool.

Joker: Did Ryuji invite you over?

Fox: Yes! He was very kind to include me!

Skull: yea I couldnt just leave him alone???

Skull: who tf do u take me 4?

Joker: Nice.

Panther: nice

Oracle: lmao gay

Mona: Awww

Fox: I am ever grateful for Ryuji’s kindness. :)

< Fox has logged off! >

Skull: [gun emoji] fuckers

Oracle: wwwwww

Skull: dont u start fuchan

Oracle: :3c

Mona: Oh? >:3c

Skull: YOU TOO, MORGS

Panther: just leave him be

Joker: Three more to go…

Joker: @ _Crow_ @ _Noir_ @ _Queen_ : Are you doing alright?

Crow: Hello!

Crow: Things are fine here!

Joker:

Joker: Are you working at the station right now…?

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Oracle: ooooh busted

Crow: No, actually.

Noir: He’s with us! :)

Joker: ?

Oracle: ??

Mona: PLOT TWIST?!

Queen: Sister invited him.

Queen: She insisted.

Joker:

Mona: Ohhhhh!

Joker: Ah.

Panther: tbh that makes more sense

Oracle: alkdfjakl

Crow: I’m hurt, Ann.

Noir: Goro-kun is a wonderful guest!

Crow: Thank you.

Crow: But I feel like a bit of a third wheel…

Queen: Nonsense.

Noir: That’s not true!

Skull: when haru and maks are 2gether, any1 would tbh

Noir: You fit right in, Goro-kun!

Queen: You seemed quite fine with debating with my sister over police procedure.

Crow:

Queen: Especially with how you “didn’t need the holiday off”.

Joker: Goro…

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Skull: damn dude

Panther: srsly?

Crow:

Crow: Listen.

Joker: You need time to rest.

Crow: I’m perfectly fine.

Joker: [gun emoji]

Mona: [gun emoji]

Panther: [gun emoji]

Queen: [gun emoji]

Skull: [gun emoji]

Noir: [gun emoji] :(

Crow: _Listen_.

Joker: [gun emoji]

Crow: It’s not what you think.

Joker: _I won’t hesitate, bitch_.

Oracle: wwwww

Panther: akldjal

Skull: klasjdkl

Panther: I cant believe akira went full morgana on goros ass

Crow: I m,,,,

Panther: RIP

Skull: RIP

Oracle: rip

Mona: R I P

Queen: RIP

Noir: RIP!

Skull: anyways gotta jet

Oracle: ohoho?

Oracle: going back to foxie boy?

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Panther: good luck~

Skull: [gun emoji]

Skull: shunt

Skull: tell me if akira kills goro again

Joker: Will do.

< Skull has logged off! >

Queen: Goro, you can explain yourself if you wish.

Queen: Haru?

Noir: Alright!

Noir: Have a happy rest of the Eve, everyone! <3

Oracle: thnx <333

Mona: Thanks! <3

Joker: Thanks, you two.

Panther: thnx girls <3

Crow: Traitors.

Queen: Ha.

< Queen has logged off! >

Noir: Heehee!

< Noir has logged off! >

Joker: I’m glad the Nijimas invited you to celebrate, if nothing else.

Crow: They more or less strong-armed me into it.

Crow: As well as Haru-chan.

Joker: Good.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Joker: Now go and _relax_ , Goro.

Crow: Sounds fake but ok?

Oracle: aklsjdla

Panther: akldjl

Mona: **_G O R O_**

Joker: [gun emoji] [eyes emoji]

Crow: Alright, alright!

Panther: ur outnumbered, bub.

Crow: But, you know the saying…

Joker: ?

Crow: No rest for the wicked.

Crow: :)

Joker: [gun emoji]

Mona: [gun emoji]

Oracle: [gun emoji]

Panther: [gun emoji]

Joker: That’s not even applicable to you.

Crow: Oh?

Crow: How so?

Joker: You’re not wicked, Goro.

Crow:

Panther: _gottem_

Crow: If only you knew, Akira…

Joker: ?

< Crow has logged off! >

Oracle: !

Panther: wow

Joker: Oh that _fucker_

Mona: Guess you’ve lost that spat, huh?

Joker:

Oracle: aklsjdfkal

Panther: klajdsl

Panther: gottem

Joker: Shut up.

< Joker has logged off! >

Panther: disasters

Mona: Tbh

Oracle: tbh!

< Joker has started messaging Crow! >

_December 24 th_

_2:41 pm_

Joker: You can’t fool me, Goro.

Joker: You’re still online.

Joker:

Joker: Silent treatment?

Joker: Or did the girls actually force you from your phone?

Joker:

Joker: Well, either way…

Joker: Merry Christmas Eve, asshole.

Joker: Don’t think you can get out of showing up tomorrow for the Christmas party.

Joker: I’ll track you down and drag you to Le Blanc myself, if I have to.

Joker: Wouldn’t want the others to worry, after all.

Joker: And you’ll make Futaba sad if you don’t show up.

Joker: I can’t have a mopey little sister, now, can I?

Joker:

Joker: Seriously, every other time you’re glued to your phone. What the hell.

Crow: You say that like I have an obsession.

Joker: Don’t you?

Crow: No.

Joker: Hm.

Crow: Phones are just convenient.

Joker: Sounds fake, but ok.

Crow: lol

Crow: Have a little more faith, Akira.

Joker: _Sounds fake, but ok_.

Crow: akljsdkl

Crow: Don’t call me out like this.

Joker: Too late, already have.

Crow: Damn…you’re right.

Joker: I usually am.

Crow: To quote: _Sounds fake, but ok._

Joker: Wow. Original.

Crow: That says more about you than it does me, sweetie. :)

Joker: It really doesn’t.

Joker: Also, Cursed.

Crow: lolol

Joker: Anyways, you better not hide behind your phone the whole time tomorrow.

Crow:

Joker: Goro…

Crow: And what will you do if I am?

Joker: I’ll confiscate it.

Crow: What are you, my parent?

Joker: I was thinking more along the lines of an exasperated teacher.

Crow: Kinky.

Joker: _God_.

Joker: Don’t you ever shut up?

Crow: Weren’t you just complaining about me being silent five minutes ago?

Joker: You’re incorrigible.

Crow: Funny, I think that’s my line.

Joker:

Crow: :)

Joker: Two pm tomorrow. Don’t forget.

Crow: I doubt you’d let me, even if I wanted to.

Joker: Good.

Joker: See you then, asshole.

Crow: Right back at you. :)

Joker: Fuck you.

Crow: lol

Joker:

Joker: Merry Christmas.

Crow:

Joker:

Joker: Say it, you coward.

Crow: Oh, fine.

Crow: Merry Christmas!

Crow: <3

Joker:

Crow: You give hearts to Futaba-chan all the time, but not one for me? :(

Joker: Shut up.

Joker: She’s my little sister.

Joker: It’s different.

Crow: I’m hurt, Akira-kun.

Crow: I give you my love, and this is how you repay me?

Crow: :((((((

Joker: Ugh, _fine_.

Joker: You’re such a drama queen.

Joker: <3

Crow: Aw, how sweet!

Joker:

Joker: You’re impossible.

Crow: And you love it.

Joker: I guess.

Crow: [heart emoji] [kiss emoji]

Joker: Yeah yeah

Joker: [heart emoji] [kiss emoji]

Crow:

< Joker has logged off! >

Crow: …

Crow: Huh.

< Crow has logged off! >

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira and Goro definitely like each other, and are definitely playing gay chicken. Which one will give up first??? Who knows.


	3. Merry Crisis Eve 3: The Christening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to update this despite having the chapter ready, w h o o p s.
> 
> Anyways, yes, it's still Xmas Eve in this chapter. No, I'm not sorry. Yes, next chap is Xmas day.

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_December 24 th_

_8:44 pm_

Oracle: i hope u all like ur presentz <33333

Joker: Ofc

Noir: Thank you, Futaba-chan! <3

Queen: Thank you.

Panther: they were great!! <3

Skull: thnx a bunch!

Fox: Mine was delightful.

Mona: It was utterly purrfect!

Crow: Yes, thank you! :)

Joker: Anything from you is a gift.

Oracle: !!

Oracle: thnx big bro <33333

Joker: Np

Skull: futaba beatin us to the punch

Skull: givin her gifts out already

Panther: tbh

Oracle: the joys of the digital age, ryuji

Fox: I feel quite inadequate in comparison…

Skull: same

Panther: mood

Joker: Same

Mona: Mood

Crow: Mood

Queen: Same.

Noir: Same!

Oracle: awwwww u guys

Oracle: :’)

Joker: Example #131 of why Futaba’s the best of us.

Oracle: asjdkfa

Panther: true

Skull: ye lol

Mona: True!

Crow: There are 130 other examples…?

Joker: Ofc there are.

Panther: and u dont?

Crow: Fair.

Skull: fair

Mona: Fair

Joker: She’s my little sister.

Oracle: awwww big bro ;w;

Mona: Major uwus

Noir: Aww!

Skull: 2 adorbs

Panther: aklsdjla

Crow: …Alright, that’s precious.

Joker: Heh.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Skull: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Fox: [eyes emoji]

Joker: I rest my case.

Oracle: lol gay

Joker:

Joker: I revoke what I’ve just said.

Panther: klajsdklfa

Skull: klajsdkl

Crow: lol

Oracle: WAIT NO

Mona: RIP

Oracle: BIG BRO!!!!

Joker: Siblingship revoked with Futaba. Ann’s my new sister.

Panther: AY NICE

Noir: Haha!

Skull: nice

Mona: Nice.

Oracle: DDDD:

Fox: Is that how that works…?

Crow: Nope.

Queen: Not even remotely.

Oracle: akira the best of big bros,,,

Oracle: plz dont leave me,,,

Joker:

Oracle: :’’’’’(

Joker: Fine, fine.

Joker: Futaba re-established as my sister.

Oracle: !!!

Oracle: :DDDDD

Panther: aw rats!

Skull: 2 pure

Mona: 2 pure

Crow: 2 pure

Panther: 2 pure

Fox: 2 pure.

Noir: 2 pure!

Queen: 2 pure.

Panther: futabas everyones lil sis tho?

Skull: true

Crow: True

Joker: Shit, u rite

Mona: True!

Oracle: uwu

Noir: Once more, Futaba-chan is the best of us!

Joker: She really is.

Oracle: alkdsfjka

Oracle: ur all 2 sweet ;;;;

Mona: Is it official Futaba loving hours in here…?

Joker: It always is.

Panther: tbh!

Skull: tbh

Crow: Tbh

Fox: Tbh.

Noir: Tbh!

Queen: tbh

Mona: TBH

Oracle: askldjalk guys…

Oracle: this is why I gave u ur presents so early

Oracle: ur all so good 2 me ;w;

Noir: We’re endlessly lucky to have you, Futaba-chan!

Skull: yea wed be dead w/o u lol

Panther: true tbh

Joker: Loving you is easy, sis. Hating you is what’s hard.

Oracle: aksljdla

Oracle: I wish my gifts were better,,,

Panther: !!!

Mona: Fu-chan!

Joker: Sis…

Noir: Aw, Futaba-chan!

Skull: nonono theyre gr8!

Queen: They’re already lovely, Futaba.

Crow: You’ve done enough!

Fox: They are already phenomenal!

Oracle: I couldnt figure out how 2 hack into a banks mainframe and wire tap yall their money, so I guess these gifts will have to do :(((((

Crow:

Queen:

Joker:

Fox:

Skull: w H

Mona: _**W H A T**_

Panther: FUTABA?????

Noir: That was very thoughtful of you, Futaba-chan! :)

Skull: alksdjla

Panther: hey uhhhhhhh quick q

Oracle: ye?

Panther: what the FUCK?

Oracle: askdlfjalk

Skull: aksljdfkl

Mona: ASKLJDF

Joker: Mood.

Queen: Futaba, that’s…illegal.

Queen: On _multiple_ levels.

Oracle: yea, so…?

Queen:

Crow:

Skull: AKSDFJ

Panther: HU OGH

Mona: _ **F U T A B A**_

Joker: Futaba, _no_.

Oracle: Futaba YES!!!

Joker: Futaba plz

Joker: I thought you were toning down the criminal hacking??

Oracle:

Joker:

Oracle: well, I mean…

Skull: KLDFJAL

Joker: _Futaba_

Panther: NOOOO!!

Mona: [Vine voice] N O

Oracle: >:3c

Crow: Futaba: [Matrix voice] _I’m in_.

Joker: alksdfjal

Noir: Haha!

Skull: lolol

Panther: alksdfjla

Oracle: accurate tho

Fox: I am…concerned.

Queen: Same.

Mona: **_S A M E_**

Crow: Same.

Skull: same!

Panther: SAME!

Joker: Same.

Oracle: akldfjakl

Oracle: I came here to have a good time, and im feeling so attacked rn :’(((((

Joker: Good.

Skull: aklsdjla

Oracle: bro,,,,

Joker: You should :/

Skull: #roasted

Noir: Aw. :(

Crow: Well, better us than the police, right…?

Queen: Tbh.

Joker: Tbh

Panther: tbh

Oracle: B R O WTF???

Skull: tbh!

Mona: Tbh

Fox: Tbh…?

Noir: All Futaba-chan wanted was to give us nice presents!

Oracle: YEAH!!!!

Oracle: and THIS is the thanks I get???

Mona: [vine voice] _I dedicate my life to hacking God_ -

Skull: lol

Panther: alkjsdflka

Crow: I’m,,,

Joker: Yeah, well, I would rather she do that _without it being illegal_.

Oracle: :////

Joker: Don’t you make that face at me.

Oracle: >:////

Joker: >:/

Oracle: wooooow big bro, didnt c u complainin when I illegally downloaded the entirety of MCR’s discography 4 u

Joker:

Skull: aljsjdla

Panther: ALKSDJFLKAS

Crow: ALKJDSKL

Joker: Listen

Noir: Ooh, busted!

Joker: That’s different

Oracle: sure fam lmao

Fox: How so…?

Panther: sounds fake but ok

Joker: LISTEN

Mona: _Not looking cool, Joker._

Joker: MCR GOT BACK TOGETHER AND I WAS MORALLY OBLIGATED TO GO FULL EMO AGAIN

Oracle: implying u arent already lmfao

Skull: lolol

Panther: alksdjlak

Joker: _Stop attacking me like this_.

Oracle: wwwww

Crow: [G note intensifies]

Joker: LIKE YOU HAVE ROOM TO TALK???

Crow: lol

Panther: lmao

Fox: Is it so much of an attack if it’s telling the truth…?

Skull: lmao dude

Oracle: GOTTEM

Panther: gottem

Mona: G O T T E M

Skull: gottem

Joker: _Yusuke, not now_.

Crow: But no one can guess I like MCR.

Skull: wait

Panther: really??

Crow: _You_ breathe it.

Joker: I’m not a bitch-ass poser, then.

Crow:

Skull: damn

Oracle: ooooooh

Panther: wow

Oracle: gottem

Queen: Things sure are heating up in the MCR fandom…

Oracle: akldsjal

Skull: ALKSJDFKL

Mona: LOL

Panther: I M

< Crow has left the chat! >

Joker: _Not so fucking fast_

< Joker has added Crow to the chat! >

Crow: _Let me be free_.

Joker: _Never_.

Panther: yikes

Crow: [gun emoji]

Joker: [gun emoji]

Skull: lmao dudes

Noir: Yikes!

Oracle: lol yikes

Joker: No, I know, that I can’t make you stay.

Joker: But where’s your heart…?

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Skull: oooh

Crow: And I know there’s nothing I can say…

Crow: To change that part.

Joker: To change…?

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Skull: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Queen: [eyes emoji] ?

Noir: [eyes emoji] Ooh

Fox: [eyes emoji]?

Skull: so uhhhh guys

Skull: u need a min?

Joker: ?

Crow: Hm?

Panther: yeah ummmmm

Oracle: [eyes emoji] [eyes emoji] [eyes emoji]

Joker: Well.

Joker: I can’t speak…

Crow: I am not afraid to keep on living!

Crow: I am not afraid to walk this road, alone.

Skull: uhhh

Joker: Honey, if you stay, you’ll be forgiven…!

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Crow: Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Skull: [eyes emoji]

Noir: [eyes emoji]

Fox: [eyes emoji]

Queen: [eyes emoji]

Skull: wtf

Skull: guys???

Joker: Hm?

Crow: Yes?

Panther: hohoholy shit, lads

Oracle: aljksdaf

Skull: laksjdl

Noir: Haha!

Mona: ALSKDJL

Queen: Accurate.

Fox: Perhaps you should privately message one another…?

Crow: ?

Joker: ?

Joker: Why??

Mona: _Why_?

Mona: _W H Y_?

Queen: Aren’t things getting a little…

Queen: Personal?

Joker: ?

Crow: ?

Joker: Oh.

Joker: That.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Noir: [eyes emoji]

Skull: yeAH THAT??

Panther: ???????

Crow: It wasn’t truly anything of consequence.

Skull: ???

Skull: YOU FUCKIN W ME???

Crow: No?

Crow: Not even in the slightest.

Panther: suspicious TM

Mona: Suspicious TM

Skull: suspicious TM

Oracle: suspicious TM!

Noir: Suspicious TM!

Joker: Yeah, we were just

Joker: quoting MCR to each other?

Panther:

Skull:

Oracle:

Mona:

Queen:

Noir: ?

Fox: …?

Oracle: ALKJSDFLKA

Skull: WHAT

Panther: what

Mona: _**W H A T**_

Queen: _What_?

Fox: What?

Noir: Oh!

Noir: That makes sense!

Oracle: _YOU EMO F U C K S_

Panther: aklfjdkal

Skull: aklsdjla

Joker:

Joker: Listen.

Oracle: [gun emoji]

Joker: _Listen_

Joker: _Futaba, it’s not what it looks like-_

Oracle: _I wont hesitate binch_

Joker: alksfdjal

Panther: aklsdfjalk

Crow: lmao

Skull: d udes,,,

Mona: I felt like I lost one of my 9 lives.

Panther: Big Mood

Skull: mood

Joker: …

Queen: You’re all ridiculous.

Crow: I can’t believe Akira is dead.

Crow: RIP.

Noir: RIP!

Fox: RIP

Joker: Hey, why didn’t Goro get a gun emoji, anyways?

Oracle: i had higher expectations 4 him :/

Crow:

Skull: akfdjal

Panther: klsfdjla

Mona: LOL

Queen: Heh.

Fox: How cold!

Crow: Oof,,, Futaba-chan,,,

Joker: So long and goodnight. [prayer emoji]

Oracle: [prayer emoji]

Panther: [prayer emoji]

Skull: [prayer emoji]

Noir: [prayer emoji]

Crow: Well if you carry on this way…

Crow: Things are better that I stay.

Joker: [gun emoji] So long and goodnight.

Oracle: alkdsjal

Noir: Guys…!

Crow: [gun emoji] So long and goodnight…

Mona: Hey, here’s an MCR quote for you guys:

Mona: _Teenagers scare the living shit out of me_.

Joker:

Crow:

Oracle: ALKDSFJAL

Skull: aldjakl

Panther: h uogh

Noir: Hahaha!

Queen: Strangely accurate.

Fox: As do I, Morgana.

Fox: As do I.

Joker: Mood tho

Crow: Mood

Oracle: mood

Panther: mood

Skull: mood

Queen: Mood

Noir: Mood!

Mona: _Thank you_.

Mona: Now

Mona: _**G O T O S L E E P**_

Joker: _Here we go again_ …

< Joker has logged off! >

Oracle: welp

< Oracle has logged off! >

Skull: im quaking

Panther: I cant mcfreaking believe morg just Thanos Snapped them

Queen: I can.

Skull: alksdjkal

Crow: [sends a kiss] So long and goodnight.

< Crow has logged off! >

Mona: O W O

Skull: oH NO

Panther: _they got Goro_

Fox: RIP?

Noir: RIP!

Queen: RIP.

Skull: rip

Panther: rip

Mona: It’s rather late, kiddies…

Mona: Don’t you want to be well rested for tomorrow?

Noir: That’s true!

Skull: well uhhh

Panther: ummmm

Mona: _**D O N’ T Y O U ?**_

Panther: H U OGH

Skull: AKLSDFJL

Fox: Absolutely terrifying…

Queen: Haru, let’s go.

Noir: Right behind you!

Noir: Morgana-san is scary when they want us to go to sleep…

< Queen has logged off! >

< Noir has logged off! >

Panther: run, boys

Panther: i'll hold them off

Skull: ANN NOOO!!!

Fox: The most heroic of us…

Fox: Your sacrifice will not be in vain!

Skull: this is whack, we re like in some sorta horror film;;;

Mona: _**O H ?**_

Skull: AHHHHH

Panther: alkdfjal

Fox: _Absolutely terrifying!_

Skull: some1 hold me,,, im scared

Fox: !

Fox: I can hug you, Ryuji! :)

Skull: oh,,,,

Skull: n ICE

< Skull has logged off! >

Fox: Good night, Ann-chan and the terrifying Morgana-sensei!

< Fox has logged off! >

Panther: oh, now that was sweet

Mona: Awwww, it really was.

Panther: #blessed

Mona: [wipes away tear] they grow so fast

Panther: i know…

Mona:

Panther:

Mona: And then there was one.

Panther: yeaaaah uh

Mona: O W O

Panther: im good, morgs

Panther: nite!

Mona: Goodnight!

< Panther has logged off! >

Mona: Good.

Mona: Darn kids finally going to bed on time…

< Mona has logged off! >

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are now 20x gayer this chapter because these kids are gay and it's canon babyyyyy.
> 
> MCR is back and the emo kids are living. Who knew lines from their songs could make such dramatic conversations?
> 
> Morgana instills the fear of God into everyone like the nb icon they are. Morgana is nb bc they're a literal fucking cat and I say so. So there.


	4. The Actual Xmas Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I ended up NOT having four chapters already pre-written and ready to go like I'd thought? Turns out I had two different pieces of two completely different chapters that didn't line up at all. So I just finished this chap with the first bit I had.
> 
> Shortest chapter so far, but that's my bad. I've made all you dubious readers wait long enough.
> 
> Yes, it's still Xmas in this chat fic. Next chapter will finally stop taking place during Dec 24th and 25th. Update schedule is completely up in the air, though.

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_December 25 th_

_12:01 am_

Joker: Merry Crisis lads, ladies, and nb babies.

Joker: [reindeer emoji] [santa emoji] [green heart emoji] [red heart emoji] [prayer emoji]

Joker: I hohohope you’ll all have a good time at the Xmas party at 2pm!

Joker: Which you are all obligated to go to, of course.

Joker: Especially you, Goro. @ _Crow_.

Panther: wh

Panther: akira its midnite wtf dude

Skull: broooo wtffff

Skull: g2 sleep goddam

Joker: Just wanted to do the obligatory midnight post.

Panther: no one else is even fucking awake???

Skull: morgs scard every1 2 slep early my dude

Skull: its dead here

Joker: Xmas spirit never dies, Ryuji.

Skull: aklsdj

Skull: fair

Panther: understandable have a nice life

Panther: actually no wait, fuck u

Skull: aklsdjfla

Joker: lolol

Panther: its midnight and i wanna sleep

Panther: its a ghost town rn in chat

Panther: why would u do this

Joker: Because I can.

Skull: 2 powrful

Crow: @ _Joker_ Akira Kurusu, it’s literally midnight on Christmas Day _you ignorant slut_.

Joker: LOL

Panther: nvmind spoke 2 soon

Skull: wait ur rlly countin goro?

Crow: Wow.

Panther: hmmm good point…

Crow: _Wow_.

Crow: I am hurt.

Crow: :’(

Joker: lmaooooo

Crow: Shut it you Hohoho.

Skull: aklsdja

Panther: accurate tho

Crow: I try.

Joker: Guess you’re not willing to sit in my lap and tell me what you want for Xmas, huh?

Crow:

Panther: w OW

Skull: alskdfjkla

Panther: Kinky

Skull: kinky

Crow: Kinky.

Joker: Ya’ll bitches better be grateful I’m not wearing a sexy santa costume for the Xmas party

Joker: or else all bets are off

Joker: you’d be done

Crow:

Skull: asljdfla

Skull: a tru chaotic bicon

Skull: im in awe

Panther: not sure if i shuld b proud or horified that was an option like at all ngl

Skull: tbh

Crow: tbh?

Joker: Usually I’d say valid but

Joker: sexy santa doesn’t deserve this :/

Skull: aklsdfjkal

Panther: kalsjfda

Crow: …

Panther: Cursed

Skull: cursed

Joker: >:/

Crow: This is ridiculous, I’m going to bed.

Joker: Aw ;(

Crow:

< Crow has logged off! >

Joker: lol coward

Panther: ur gay spirit was 2 much fam

Skull: mood

Joker: _Coward_

Joker: anyways, goodnight you two!

Skull: gn dude

Panther: nite!

< Joker has logged off! >

< Panther has started messaging Skull! >

_December 25 th_

_12:23 am_

Panther: im _hollerin_ that was 2 gay omfg

Skull: lmao ye

Skull: mboi akiras got 0 chill lol

Panther: he really doesnt

Skull: u kno wht? Icon

Panther: valid

Panther: that was the thirstiest and most direct flirting ive seen from him yet

Skull: no kiddin

Skull: thot i was halucinating there 4 a sec lol

Panther: tbh same

Panther: like srsly sitting on his lap? sexy costume? gay x1000

Panther: im surprised goro didnt die instantly

Skull: tbh ye

Skull: he coulda insta-busted a nut

Panther: ASDJLKA

Panther: CURSED

Panther: but also strangely accurate

Skull: i try lmao

Panther: im like 100% sure akira did all that just 4 goro

Panther: but like didnt want 2 dm him

Panther: 4 plausible deniability

Skull: ok yea i can c it?

Skull: he @ed goro when he didnt have 2

Skull: suspicious tm [pensive emoji]

Panther: i agree

Panther: Suspicious TM [pensive emoji]

Skull: if goro wasnt like

Skull: full boner town by the time he left chat

Skull: id eat a mega ramen bowl

Panther: ryu, u’d eat a mega ramen bowl any time

Skull: tru, bt not the point

Panther: alksdfjlak

Panther: ok yea

Panther: no wonder he left so quickly lol

Skull: tbh

Skull: the mental image aki made would have him hot and bothered

Skull: n probably show up in his dreams

Skull: if u kno what i mean

Panther: ewwwwww

Skull: ;)

Panther: _gross_

Skull: oh cmon

Skull: like u havent ever thot abt shiho doin sexy things??

Panther: if I have, I aint tellin u :/

Skull: ok ok

Skull: valid

Skull: point is

Skull: akira is a masterful fuckin troll

Skull: made goro horny for him as a sexy santa

Panther: that’s the most Cursed sentence I’ve ever seen

Skull: i mean

Skull: yaint wrong lmao

Panther: thanks! i hate it!

Skull: hes a tru hero of our generation

Skull: so proud

Panther: he sure is somthing alrigt…

Skull: no rlly

Skull: look at it this way

Skull: akis either completely ruined santa 4 goro

Skull: or made santa his new kink

Panther: CURSED

Panther: but

Panther: I…can see it…

Panther: _Ugh_

Skull: we can always kinkshame him

Skull: nd call goro Santa Fucker

Panther:

Panther: u kno I like that plan

Skull: nnnnnice

Panther: nyways

Panther: go tf 2 sleep

Skull: ye ye

Skull: go snuggle wit ur bae

Panther: thaaaaank <3

Skull: np <3

Panther: and u go snuggle wit ur yusk ;)

Skull: ALKSDJAL

Skull: IT AINT LIKE THAT

Panther: lol gay

Skull: AAAAAA

Panther: isnt he staying in ur room?

Skull: Y EA BT LIKE

Skull: NOT IN MY BED OR ANYTHNG

Panther: you made ur boi sleep on the floor?!

Skull: WHAT

Skull: NO??

Skull: im not an animal!!

Skull: we got out the inflatible matress 4 him?

Skull: who wtf makes guests sleep on their floor??

Panther: oh thank gd

Panther: u had me worried there 4 a sec

Skull: im offended :/

Panther: srry srry

Panther: ur a good dude ryu

Panther: ofc ull treat ur boi right

Skull: akljdsl

Skull: AGAIN

Skull: NOT MY BOI

Panther: not YET

Skull: ALSKJD

Skull: STOP BULLYIN ME

Skull: IM GONN SLEEP K

Panther: lmaooo

Panther: ok ryu

Skull: GN

Panther: gn

< Skull has logged off! >

< Panther has logged off! >

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tension between Akira and Goro grows. Who'll give in first to their ongoing game of gay chicken????


	5. Futaba's Fanfiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm so sorry.
> 
> Secondly, Futaba is definitely the type to be incredibly invested in writing fanfiction, and I adore her for it.

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_December 30 th_

_11:16 am_

Oracle: AU where everything’s the same, but Akira manages to accidentally-purposefully seduce just about everyone with a stirring rendition of Last Christmas during X-mas karaoke.

Oracle: Discuss.

Joker:

Queen:

Skull:

Mona:

Crow:

Panther:

Joker: What

Queen: Well, the fact that Futaba’s writing in perfectly articulated sentences is the first thing I see wrong here.

Oracle: akfdljakl

Mona: Oh, same.

Panther: same

Skull: same

Crow: My thoughts exactly.

Oracle: shunt ur funk,,,

Noir: It sounds fun! :)

Fox: I concur! :)

Oracle: _thank_ u

Skull: that sure is a Cursed concept, rite there

Panther: hey uhhhhh

Panther: what the _FUCKLE is this shuckle_???

Oracle: lmaooooo

Joker: Big Mood.

Skull: mood

Mona: Big Mood.

Crow: That’s not even an AU, that’s canon???

Oracle:

Joker:

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Oracle: shit u rite lol

Oracle: oh well, still wrote it

Joker:

Crow:

Mona:

Panther:

Queen:

Skull: y OU W H AT

Panther: w h at

Crow: _What_

Queen: What.

Noir: How lovely!

Mona: W-What does that mean, nya’ll…I’m scared…

Skull: MOOD

Queen: Mood.

Fox: Oh! Are you open to sharing this, Futaba-chan?

Oracle: mmhm later!!

Panther: Cursed.

Crow: [eyes emoji]

Oracle: i just wrote it so its still rough

Crow: Drop that link when it’s done, Futaba-chan.

Joker:

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Oracle: yea defo!!

Crow: Nice.

Skull: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Joker: [eyes emoji]

Fox: Splendid!

Noir: I can’t wait to read it! :)

Skull: still cursed.

Oracle: big bro can u beta my fic?

Joker:

Oracle: :3

Panther: akira,,,

Joker: Yeah ok, sure.

Oracle: <333

Panther: WHAT

Skull: wh

Oracle: yayyyyy!!

Skull: dude

Skull: wont that b weird??

Joker: Oh, believe me, this is tame for her.

Joker: She’s written…much more _interesting_ stuff.

Mona: I’m terrified.

Queen: Same.

Panther: same

Fox: I believe Futaba-chan is a great visionary!

Skull: ur still reading something written abt u??

Skull: thats WAck

Joker: It’ll be a little strange, but I can handle it.

Panther: ok but can u rlly???

Joker: It could be worse.

Skull: how

Skull: how can it b worse

Joker: Believe me, it can.

Mona: Someone hold me, I’m scared.

Oracle: aklfsdj

Joker: aljdfla

Queen: Understandable.

Crow: Mood.

Panther: ryu do u rlly wanna know?

Skull: no but like

Skull: i feel obligated now

Noir: I’m quite curious myself!

Joker: Alright, but I did warn you…

Oracle: ;(

Oracle: lies and slander ;(

Fox: Come now, it can’t be that bad…?

Joker: One time she got me to proof her FNAF Werewolf ABO angst lemon ot3 slash fiction.

Fox: !

Panther: HER W H AT????

Crow: WHAT.

Queen: What?

Skull: i

Skull: i don’t know what any of that meant but im scared???

Queen: Same, tbh.

Mona: Same.

Noir: Same…?

Joker: Oh, you lucky bastards…

Crow: I understood every single word, and I felt like someone punched me in the kidneys.

Crow: Repeatedly.

Panther: G O D YEAH

Joker: Big mood tbh

Panther: BIG MOOD.

Queen: To me, it’s a strange but powerful, and somewhat intimidating, string of nonsensical words.

Joker: God, I wish that were me.

Panther: lkajdsklfa

Crow: aklsfdj

Skull: laksdfjkl

Oracle: ghghghgh

Panther: same tho

Oracle: hey!!!!

Joker: ,,,

Oracle: yallre meanies >:/

Noir: Poor Futaba-chan!

Fox: Yes, I do not think you are being fair to her!

Joker:

Skull: ajksddl srry Fu

Panther: i mean, yea i guess?

Oracle: and big bro!!! I thought u liked my writing!!

Joker: Futaba, sweetie, I do.

Joker: Really.

Crow: Nice save lol

Skull: _dat turnaround_

Oracle: :’((((

Joker: You’ve improved a lot in your writing!

Joker: You might not even need me anymore to look over your things.

Oracle: really…?

Joker: Really.

Oracle: :’’’)

Oracle: aww

Mona: [Joker voice] _I said, you know, like a liar._

Joker:

Panther: lakjfla

Skull: lmaooo

Crow: lol

Queen: Wow.

Oracle: Akiraaaaaa!!!!

Joker: Futabaaaa

Noir: Akira-kun, you need to keep supporting your sister!

Joker: I do!

Oracle: im gonna cry

Joker: dONT

Oracle: and its gonna b ur fault

Joker: PLZ DONT

Oracle: all bc u hate my writing

Fox: Don’t cry, Futaba-chan! :(

Joker: FUTABA

Noir: Aw, Futaba-chan!

Joker: YOUR WRITING IS LOVELY

Skull: damn dude

Panther: lol wow

Crow: Akira, are you panicking right now?

Joker: N O

Queen: Oh, he’s definitely panicking.

Mona: Yup!

Joker: SHIT

Joker: SHUT

Crow: lmao

Skull: lol

Panther: fu has u whipped, my dude

Oracle: idk what u mean

Joker: asfdf

Joker: Just gimme a sec ok

Oracle: cmon big bro u gotta tell me

Oracle: do u hate me?

Joker: No!

Oracle: :’(

Oracle: u sure?

Joker: Yes!

Oracle: yes u DO hate me?!

Joker: KDLJAK

Panther: ajldsfl

Skull: jkasdfkl

Crow: lmao

Queen: Ha.

Joker: DONT TWIST MY WORDS

Oracle: ;(

Joker: Futaba

Joker: My sweet amazing darling little sister

Joker: I love and appreciate you dearly

Oracle: Hmmmmm

Oracle: but do u?

Panther: im crying this is 2 funny alkdsfjkl

Mona: Futaba-chan is milking this for all it’s worth.

Mona: And I approve.

Joker: _You’re not helping._

Skull: k but when has morgs ever lol

Panther: true

Queen: True.

Crow: True.

Joker: True

Mona:

Mona: **_O W O_**

Mona: **_What’s this?_**

Skull: H UOGH

Panther: aklsdfjalk

Queen: 1 fear.

Noir: 1 fear!

Skull: 1 fear

Panther: 1 fear

Crow: 1 fear

Oracle: 1 fear

Fox: 1 fear?

Joker: Not today, Satan.

Joker: You can’t scare me.

Skull: 2 fierce

Panther: 2 fierce!

Crow: Too fierce.

Oracle: 2 fierce

Mona: Than what _are_ you scared of, Akira…?

Joker: I’m only scared of letting my loved ones down.

Oracle: ,,

Mona: :0

Crow:

Panther: aw

Skull: dude??

Noir: How sweet!

Fox: I concur!

Queen: Don’t we all, Akira?

Joker: V

Joker: Valid

Oracle: ,,, wweh

Oracle: im luv u 2 big bro

Oracle: ;w;

Joker: Ofc Futaba

Panther: aww

Noir: How sweet!

Oracle: since u luv me so much big bro…

Joker: Yes?

Oracle: [gun emoji]

Oracle: tell me binch

Joker:

Mona: aklsdjl

Skull: PLOT TWIST

Queen: Wow.

Crow: lmao

Panther: [surprised pikachu meme]

Oracle: why dont u wanna beta me anymore

Oracle: punk ass binch

Oracle: [gun emoji] [eyes emoji]

Joker: aldjlak

Skull: ghghgh

Panther: lol

Mona: Futaba-chan’s snapped!

Joker: Futaba,,,

Joker: I’ve learned _too much_ from you.

Joker: About fanfiction.

Oracle: >:/

Oracle: u can never know 2 much abt fanfics!!

Panther: lmao lies

Crow: No, no.

Crow: You can.

Crow: You most certainly can.

Joker: Let me live,,, plz god,,,

Oracle: _Long live the king_

Oracle: [pushes Akira off the cliff]

Joker: [surprised Pikachu meme]

Panther: aklfsjkal

Skull: I cant believe akira is mcfreaking DEAD

Skull: rip

Panther: RIP

Crow: Rip

Noir: RIP!

Queen: RIP.

Mona: Rip!

Fox: Rip.

Joker: Bold of you to assume I wasn’t dead inside this whole time.

Oracle: akldsjal

Skull: ok fair

Crow: Wow.

Panther: Yikes.

Oracle: big bro NO

Crow: Mood tho.

Joker: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Queen: I am. Concerned.

Noir: Aren’t we all?

Queen: Fair.

Skull: mood

Panther: Mood.

Crow: Worm.

Mona: Big Mood.

Oracle: mood

Fox: Mood?

Joker: Mood tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know if this is funny anymore???
> 
> Plz drop a comment, I feel like I'm just screaming into the void right now.
> 
> Press f to pay respects to Akira Kurusu's slowly slipping sanity


	6. New Years Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've arisen again...In order to add more gay chaos to this fic.
> 
> Quarantine really takes it out of a person. That's why I write these dumb teenagers being disaster gays.

< Skull has started messaging Panther! >

_January 1 st_

_12:03 am_

Skull: I CANT BELIEVE

Panther: SAME

Panther: LAKJFDSL

Skull: BRO WENT FOR IT

Skull: HE REALLY DID

Skull: AND WAS INSTANTLY COCKBLOCKED LMAOOO

Panther: Akira looks fucking HEARTBROKEN LOL

Panther: too bad cant relate

Skull: mood

Skull: f for respects

Skull: f

Panther: f

Panther: good job w that cheek kiss on yusk btw

Skull: KALJDFKAL

Skull: AHHHHH

Skull: I M SO EMBARASSED

Panther: that why u disappeared?

Skull: YE

Panther: dw

Panther: yusk looks sup happy

Skull: AHHHHHHH

Skull: ASKDFJL

Panther: hes holding his cheek n blushin n smiling

Skull: H UGOH

Skull: RLLY??

Panther: ye dude

Panther: and I think hes either wistfully daydreaming or like

Panther: looking where u disappeared to

Skull: HOO O OOOO

Panther: get outta the bathroom or w/e

Panther: and finishing wooing him

Panther: coward

Skull: FINE FINE OK

Skull: gO BACK TO MAKIN OUT W/ SHIHO

Panther: already on it lol

Panther: go get em captain kidd

< Haru-chan has started messaging Makoto-chan! >

_January 1 st_

_12:09 am_

Haru-chan: Shouldn’t you go save Goro from Akira’s wrath…?

Makoto-chan: Probably.

Makoto-chan: After all, sister will want him alive to keep doing his job.

Makoto-chan: But watching these two morons literally fight over a proper New Years kiss is hilarious.

Haru-chan: Poor Morgana, stuck in the middle.

Haru-chan: lol

Makoto-chan: The boys are using them as a literal shield.

Makoto-chan: Can’t be gay to kiss your crush’s cat instead of your crush on New Years.

Makoto-chan: Which is the excuse, I’m sure.

Haru-chan: They’re both so obvious???

Haru-chan: Why hasn’t either one made a move?

Makoto-chan: Oh, they have.

Makoto-chan: Multiple times.

Makoto-chan: It’s just that when one makes a move, the other automatically counter-acts it.

Makoto-chan: Like a never-ending chess game.

Haru-chan: They need to realize some day that they both deserve some happiness…

Makoto-chan: Don’t I know it.

< Skull has started messaging Fox! >

_January 1 st_

_12:12 am_

Skull: hey uh

Fox: !

Fox: Yes?

Skull: wanna head out already?

Skull: i mean

Skull: i kno u wanted to leave early so

Skull: is that stil la thing or

Fox: Yes, actually!

Skull: cool

Skull: coolcol cool

Skull: u…still wanna head to my place?

Skull: u dont if u dont wanna

Skull: ur not obligated to or anyth

Skull: esp if i

Skull: idk

Skull: made u uncomfortbls

Skull: or smthgn

Skull: *uncomfortable

Skull: fuck srry

Fox: No its fine!

Fox: I

Fox: I quite liked it

Skull: o

Skull: nice

Skull: cool

Fox: If we go back will there

Fox: ah

Fox: Will there be more kissing involved?

Skull: yea

Fox:

Skull: I MEAN

Skull: ONLY IF U WANAT TO

Skull: WE DONT HAVE 2

Skull: ALKSDJAL

Skull: FUCK SORRY

Fox: no!

Skull: no?

Fox: I mean

Fox: Its fine

Fox: I

Fox: yes

Fox: please

Fox: I would

Fox: like that

Fox: Oh this is really embarrassing…

Skull: lol ur good

Skull: ur cute when ur embarrassed

Fox:

Skull: i mean u always r but

Skull: fuck uh

Fox: HHH

Skull: srry

Fox: ITS FINE

Fox: ahem

Fox: It’s fine

Skull: dude did u just hush urself over text?

Fox: …

Fox: Maybe?

Skull: thats 2 cute

Fox:

Fox: I’m internally screaming right now

Skull: klajsld

Skull: big mood tho

Skull: hol up

Skull: ok lets go

< Panther has started messaging Skull! >

_January 1 st_

_12:37 am_

Panther: saw u n yusk heading out

Panther: nice!

Panther: go get em!

Panther: [thumbs up emoji] [clap emoji] [heart emoji] [kissing emoji]

Panther: hope yall worked it out

Skull: if u stop texting me we will :/

Panther: ok ok

Panther: ;)

Panther: gl

Skull: thnx

Skull: nd yusk says hi

Panther: tell him congrats for me

Skull: aklsjl

Skull: BYE

Panther: lol

< Haru-chan has started messaging Makoto-chan! >

_January 1 st_

_1:14 am_

Haru-chan: Everyone’s leaving!

Haru-chan: Should we head out as well?

Makoto-chan: Well, it’s awkward if we’re forced to stay with the dumb emo gay bastards and their sexual tension

Haru-chan: looooool

Makoto-chan: so I say yes.

Haru-chan: At least Ann and Shiho gave us some warning.

Makoto-chan: lol

Makoto-chan: Ann loudly yelling “We’re going and having new years sex now” really was a power move of epic proportions.

Haru-chan: Our underclassman are so bold!

Makoto-chan: Or stupid.

Haru-chan: Both?

Makoto-chan: Both.

Makoto-chan: Should you or I take the hit and try to come between the dumb gayboys?

Haru-chan: I can do it!

Haru-chan: :>

Makoto-chan: My hero.

Makoto-chan: My angel.

Haru-chan: If you did it, I think you’d traumatize them both lol

Haru-chan: And they’ve already traumatized each other enough this night.

Makoto-chan: True.

Makoto-chan: I’ll gather our things.

Haru-chan: <3

Makoto-chan: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yusuke and Ryuji have officially gotten together-- I repeat, Yusuke and Ryuji have officially gotten together!!
> 
> God bless. They're way more functional than Akira and Goro are, that's for sure.
> 
> Are any of you surprised by these developments? Are you screaming at your monitor over Goro and Akira's insane game of gay chicken that will never cease? Keyslam your responses in the comment box below.


	7. New Years Epic Fail?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world may be ending and my sanity slipping, but at least I'm still updating this chat fic and tbh that's an accomplishment.

* * *

< Mr. Steal Yo Girl Group Chat >

_January 1 st_

_7:44 am_

Oracle: eyo fam

Oracle: what i miss?

Panther: 1st of all

Panther: how the FUCK r u up so early??

Mona: This is so unlike you.

Queen: Big Concern.

Noir: I’m a little scared…

Crow: Mood.

Panther: mood

Mona: Mood.

Oracle: 1st of all

Oracle: shunt ur fuck

Oracle: 2nd

Oracle: i passed out drinking 2 much eggnog n hot choc

Oracle: and running on like no sleep

Panther: rip

Crow: Big Oof.

Oracle: dad’s happy i dropped almost instantly in the new years party but im not :(

Noir: Poor Futaba-chan!

Fox: I think having a good’s night rest is quite important!

Oracle: its gr8 but I h8 it

Mona: **_You need to sleep!_**

Oracle: but!!

Oracle: i missed everything!!

Panther: lol

Panther: u sure did fam…

Queen: You really did.

Oracle: so

Oracle: [kim possible voice] whats the sitch?

Panther: hooooo boi

Panther: where 2 start

Noir: A lot happened!

Queen: Your brother and Goro literally fought over Morgana.

Oracle: w at

Oracle: do tell

Crow: No we didn’t.

Fox: You did.

Mona: You did! :/

Oracle: ????

Noir: Akira attempted to kiss Goro and kissed Morgana instead.

Mona: Yeah.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Oracle: no shit??

Panther: p much

Crow: Lies and slander.

Oracle: shut it thot

Crow:

Panther: akldsjal

Queen: lol

Noir: haha

Oracle: yo pancake ass

Oracle: wtf?

Crow: Pancake ass???

Oracle: ye u

Oracle: dipshit

Oracle: dumbass

Oracle: dingus

Oracle: thot

Crow:

Mona: Bless.

Panther: IM WHEEZING

Noir: haha!

Queen: A >.. MK

Fox: Makoto…?

Panther: shit maks u ok?

Oracle: she having a stroke?

Noir: Makoto is laughing so hard she’s crying.

Noir: And dropped her phone.

Fox: Aw!

Oracle: pics or it didnt happen

Noir: Oh I have them, but I’m not sharing.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Crow: [eyes emoji]

Fox: What.

Oracle: bu t

Noir: Get your own girlfriend. :)

Panther: im shaking

Panther: wtf

Mona: WAIT WHEN DID YOU HAVE PICS???

Oracle: im both intimidated and uhhh

Oracle: aroused?

Panther: same

Mona: Same.

Crow: Makoto sending pics like “my pusseth be poppeth”.

Noir: AL, ,PLHK

Panther: H UOGH

Oracle: LKDJA

Panther: SHIT

Panther: I THINK WE SNIPED HARU 2

Mona: **_They got Haru._**

Joker: What type of Cursed-ass convos are you fuckers having so early in the goddamn morning after New Years?

Joker: Fuck off.

Crow:

Panther:

Fox:

Oracle:

Mona:

Crow: Sounds like _someone_ woke up on the wrong side of the bed…

Joker: Hey Goro?

Joker: Fuck you.

Oracle: :0

Panther: lol

Crow: Maybe later, sweetheart.

Joker:

Panther: _wow_

Oracle: wrow

Fox: Wow.

Mona: Wrow

Queen: Wow.

Oracle: [eyes emoji]

Panther: [eyes emoji]

Mona: [eyes emoji]

Fox: If I may say, in the wise words of Ryuji, since he isn’t here:

Fox: _this chat is a fuckin mess_.

Panther: Big Mood tho

Oracle: mood

Crow: Valid.

Joker: True

Joker: Now let me sleep, _you animals_

Oracle: go sleep u cranky boi

Panther: ye u need it

Mona: **_S L E E P_**

Crow: Sweet dreams, baby ;)

Joker: [gun emoji]

Joker: Fuck you specifically, Goro.

Crow: Looking forwards to it [kissing emoji]

< Joker has logged off! >

  
  
< Fu-chan has started messaging Ann-ann! >

_December 24 th_

_8:52 am_

Fu-chan: and The Fuckening continues…

Ann-ann: honestly tho

Fu-chan: theyre!

Fu-chan: such!

Fu-chan: disasters!!

Fu-chan: istg!!!!

Ann-ann: lmao

Ann-ann: they rly are

Fu-chan: its so infuriating!

Fu-chan: AHHHHGH

Ann-ann: oh man

Ann-ann: I wish u were awake last night

Fu-chan: same ;^;

Ann-ann: bc shit was even more ridiculus 2 watch

Ann-ann: fucking disasters, the both of them

Fu-chan: i know!!!!

Fu-chan: it even SOUNDS wack

Fu-chan: g od

Fu-chan: theyre so fking dumb

Ann-ann: Yup

Fu-chan: for all big bro flirts

Fu-chan: hes useless

Fu-chan: the most useless gay in existence

Ann-ann: b4 I wouldnt have believed u but

Ann-ann: u rite

Ann-ann: ive seen enough of their fuckery now

Ann-ann: i can safely say theyre even worse than yusk

Fu-chan: at least Yusuke is useless bc hes naive and doesnt kno any better!

Ann-ann: a sheltered life will do that I guess…

Fu-chan: ye

Fu-chan: but these two _dumb bitches_ dont have that excuse!!!

Ann-ann: ASDKLJA

Ann-ann: true true

Fu-chan: theyre just Like That!!

Ann-ann: theyre both smart and accomplished

Ann-ann: but god forbid they _act like it_

Ann-ann: alkdsfj

Fu-chan: DUMB THOTS!!!

Ann-ann: lmaooo

Fu-chan: ugh

Fu-chan: at this point

Fu-chan: i wanna lock em in the closet

Fu-chan: and hope they make out

Ann-ann: u mean make up?

Fu-chan: u kno what i typed

Ann-ann: aklsdfj

Ann-ann: fair

Ann-ann: but also

Ann-ann: isnt it weird 2 think abt ur brother makin out w/ someone?

Fu-chan: a little

Fu-chan: if I think abt it 4 too long

Fu-chan: but like

Fu-chan: I just want them to finally get it over with

Fu-chan: gddamn :/

Ann-ann: Fair

Fu-chan: maybe if they get together theyll stop acting lke stupid hoes

Ann-ann: Also Fair

Ann-ann: but bold of u to assume theyll ever stop acting like stupid hoes

Ann-ann: theyre still goro and akira

Fu-chan:

Fu-chan: ok tru

Fu-chan: but you shouldnt say it

Ann-ann: lmao

Ann-ann: anyways what u planning now?

Fu-chan: idk

Fu-chan: maybe being productive somehow?

Fu-chan: its so weird waking up early

Fu-chan: nd like

Fu-chan: actually having time to do things

Fu-chan: like a normal person in society

Fu-chan: how tf do yall do it??

Ann-ann: idk honestly

Ann-ann: being a normal person in society fucking blows

Fu-chan: Point

Ann-ann: anyways im gonna cuddle w/ my gf

Fu-chan: wow way 2 rub it in :’(

Ann-ann: aklsdjfa

Ann-ann: srry fu-chan

Fu-chan: no no

Fu-chan: im fine

Fu-chan: little lonely me will just hack. alone.

Ann-ann: you’ll find some1 some day!

Fu-chan: idk if thats exciting or terrifying

Ann-ann: why not both?

Fu-chan: y

Fu-chan: ye

Fu-chan: its both tbh

Fu-chan: nyways, go give shiho my luv!

Fu-chan: <3

Ann-ann: I will!!

Ann-ann: <3

< Ann-ann has logged off! >

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment if you liked Futaba telling Goro Akechi that he's a pancake-ass dipshit dumbass dingus thot.
> 
> Drop another comment with predictions on when Akira and Goro will stop being fucking disasters and just KISS ALREADY.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya’ll, I really don’t know much about P5. Deadass. I didn’t know half the characters’ last names. I flat out didn’t know Morgana, Haru, or Goro’s code names. In the first draft Goro was Swan and Haru Beastie, bc I looked at Goro and went “beak mask=pretty boy= Swan”, and Haru “black mask= axe weapon= Beastie”. I know the barest minimum about backstories, but also know that these kids are Probably Hella Gay.
> 
> It's a genuine miracle I even managed to crank this fic out considering I only have the most basic and periphery knowledge of P5. God help me.


End file.
